I found this step to be incredibly liberating.  This is the step where Toto goes and pulls the curtain aside in the Wizard of Oz, and you see that what had controlled you is simply a scam – and not even a very good one at that.  John points out that these toxic religions are inherently dishonest.  That’s a big part of their control mechanism – to teach you that they are the only, and one, “true way”, that they alone can be trusted, is the central control mechanism both them and of other authoritarian dictatorships.

As John writes:

Learn the history of the particular denomination or sect you’re trying to get away from. Not their mythologized history – and definitely not what you were taught in Sunday School. Find real history written by real historians. There’s nothing like discovering how the sausage was made to help you understand that it wasn’t by divine intervention.

As you read and study, you’ll learn that much of what you were taught – especially what you were taught as a child – is uncertain, unlikely, or flat-out wrong.

[next] Learn the basics of world religions…..

With those, you’ll find freedom that you didn’t know was possible.  This will allow you to free your mind to focus on your growing, healthy spirituality that you are building to safeguard you against the scam that did so much damage to your life.  I was amazed when I got to this stage on my own, as many people who have escaped from religion do.  You may have too.  It’s a stunning moment of realization, when you see the world around you for real for the first time, being aware suddenly that so much of what you thought was true was a lie being used to control you.  It’s captured well in the Matrix movies – especially when Neo realizes that the matrix isn’t real, and sees with new eyes in this scene to the right.  When you learn what reality actually is, then, like Neo, you can see that their attacks aren’t even real, and you can reach out, pick each one up, and with an amazed curiosity, let it fall harmless to the floor, as Neo did with the bullets here – Hell is not real, no god made you, etc.  Some of the facts that blew my mind include: 

• The Exodus Story never happened – it’s simply made up – the Jews were never slaves in Egypt
• Nothing in a bible is by Jesus, and not even by anyone who even knew Jesus
• All of the New Testament was written many decades afterwards, based on circulating, repeated stories
• We don’t know how much the books were changed before our earliest copies, which are often decades *or over a century* later than when the books were first written.  We don’t have the “original copies” of any book or letter in a bible, and have only guesses as to how far down the line we have.
• All the Christmastime stories are well known to be complete fabrications, basically fanfiction
• The bibles are clear in dozens of sections that the Earth is flat, under a hard dome, which is under water
• The bibles reject human rights – they are clear in both the Old and New Testaments that slavery is acceptable, that women are property, that being gay is not allowed for anyone, that democracy itself is unbiblical, that killing/torturing those in other religions is not just acceptable – but expected, and so on.
• Jesus was likely a Jewish apocalytacist who really believed that the Jewish god would end the world within 50 years, and had no idea of the later Christian ideas of him being a “sacrifice” – and would have found that idea blasphemous
• There is no “Bible”.  There are many sets of books ( 99 books?  73? 66? 71?) that different Christian groups call their “bible”, but Christians don’t agree today on which of the many bibles is the one from their “god”.  Most Christians consider all the other “bibles” outside their sect to be fake/false, and of course they are all right about that.
• Even more shocking – Christians **never** agreed on one bible.  There is no time in history that they did.  Not even just before the Protestant Reformation.
• Bible scholars have known all of the above and more since the 1800s or before, and it’s taught in most seminaries already – most pastors simply hide it all so as to better milk their victims

And many more like this that are beyond the scope of this blog post.  One could be amazed that I was so ignorant as to not know these basic facts – and believe the exact opposite of most of them!  But, how could I have known that I had been fed lies until I looked?  Churches certainly aren’t going to teach those facts – it destroys their scam  – which is why they spread the falsehoods that deny these facts.  And churches have enough control to stop the truth from being taught in public schools, etc.  These are facts that people need, and Christian dominance keeps them hidden from most of us.

Step 4.  Build a base of practice

Spiritual practices are a necessary step to escape for most people.  There are many reasons for this.  A main reason is that humans are not computers.  We don’t simply upload instructions to archive for years without being used and then follow those instructions later, exactly, like robots.  Instead, we believe what we reinforce with our actions every day, and our beliefs direct our actions.  It’s an active feedback loop, and that means that a major change in our beliefs is only possible through repeated actions to reinforce that change.  And of course, changing your entire worldview, from one of a three tiered universe with heaven up in the clouds (ruled by an authoritarian tyrant), our earth in the middle, and a burning torture chamber below our feet (or in some illogical, “metaphysical realm”), to instead accept our real solar system, galaxy, deep time of billions of years, etc, is a huge change.  Changing that takes at least years, if not decades.

And for a human brain to absorb such a radical change, takes physical action over years.  That’s how we evolved (for good reason) – we are not computers.

But what kind of practices?  What we commonly call “spiritual practices” work well.  I’d guess that this biological fact is probably a lot of the reason that “religions” have, through most of our history, been more about what do that about what you believe (John points this out too).  Many Pagan practices work great for this.  John covers many in his original blog post (see above), and for us, this is part of the reason I made our large and very detailed Naturalistic Pagan Practices Hub, and our essentially important How to Get Started page.  The Hub is so detailed that simply listing what’s on it would take up too much room here, but in summary, it includes ways to celebrate every Sabbat of our Wheel of the Year, home practices, daily practices, once in a life time practices (such as pilgrimages), music to fill you life, and much more.  But that huge pile of stuff is intimidating!  Yes.  That’s why we have the How to Get Started page – where a very small and easy first step leads, slowly and gradually, to a full, rich, life-giving set of Spiritual practices that fill your life with meaning, purpose, and resiliency.

Step 5.  Cultivate good religious experiences

Spiritual experiences are an important, rich, and life changing part of being a human being.  I can’t properly emphasize their importance if you haven’t had one, because all I have are boring words to use to convey something that is far beyond words.  And if you have had them, then my words are a pale shadow by comparison anyway.  Without the ability to convey this, the best I can do is point to other times that others have tried to describe it as well (such as John Beckett’s green bird experience).  As naturalists, it’s too easy for us to wrongly dismiss religions stories about their experiences, and we are impoverished when we do so.  So it can be especially helpful for us to hear about these from other religious naturalists, especially other Naturalistic Pagans.  Not because our experiences are somehow more valid (they aren’t), but because that’s more likely to get through the tough walls that many of us have built (understandably and often for very good reasons) to protect us from toxic religion.

Here is John Halsted’s post on why these spiritual experiences are so essential to a full life well lived.  He writes:

Transcendent experiences often have a real and positive impact on how people think and live thereafter.  Let me give you a few examples from my own life.  Each of these experiences was unique, but all of had a transformative impact on me…

One such experience happened when I was 19.  I was a new Mormon missionary……..

I have had some, and the most profound was in an ancient stone circle (described here).  Like one of John’s, this had a lasting effect which included a better sense of peace in the face of our own inevitable deaths.  Another benefit often found is an increased sense of gratitude and action to improve our world, discussed here.

We can have these experiences simply because we are alive with a human brain, and we live because our Ancestors lived.  My Ancestors suffered and struggled to give us the incredible gifts of these experiences.  Like so many of those Ancestors, I feel deep love for everyone alive today, and for future generations.  These experiences are an astounding gift that can be powerful fuel for our actions – motivating us when other lights have gone out.  We can’t be sure when or if we’ll receive it, but we can reasonably look for times and places where it’s more likely.  How could I receive that gift, and not want to use it responsibly, to help empower me to make a better world?

A total eclipse with the ‘diamond ring’ effect is seen from South Mike Sedar Park on August 21, 2017 in Casper, Wyoming. (Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images)

And of course – another benefit of these experiences is the very reason that John Beckett included them in his steps – because they help protect us from being sucked back into the control of a toxic religion.  That’s because toxic religions use the promise of these experiences as a marketing tool to trick people back into their control – just like they hijack so many other healthy aspects of life to use to exploit people.  John also mentions the benefits of a departure/initiation ritual in this step.  That can certainly be a healthy step.  It seems to me that a departure/initiation ritual could also fit in Steps 1, 2 or 4 as well.  The wonderful thing about Paganism (especially Naturalistic Paganism) is that rituals and such don’t have to be perfect or perfectly timed to work. We don’t believe in a Hell or such to punish us if our ritual or practice isn’t perfect or up to some outside standard.  That fact also is especially important for Step 4, building your Spiritual Practices.

Step 6.  Keep moving forward

As emphasized throughout these steps – we are human beings, not robots or computers.  That means that our abilities, and our mental strength, will vary a lot over the course of our lives.  We all will have ups and downs.  You can be assured that you will have times of weakness and vulnerability in the future.  Toxic religions target people who are vulnerable, using these times to exploit and recapture them.  Don’t think that you are ever completely safe from that.  That’s a small part of why it’s important to nurture and grow your spirituality, including spiritual practices and all the aspects mentioned above.  It’s only a small part of the reason because the biggest part of the reason is this:  a full and rich spirituality is a source of joy, meaning and purpose.  It’s a major part of a life well lived, of getting the most out of the few short decades we have to experience life – and a significant part of leaving this world a better place for future generations.

Keeping a spirituality vibrant, and able to keep delivering all the benefits that spirituality brings, requires perseverance.  It means that we have to get back in the saddle when we realize that we’ve let things slide and haven’t done any of our practices for days, weeks or months, or forgot to do something that is a part of them.  That doesn’t mean that you can’t adjust them and drop parts that no longer serve you.  You certainly can – and should!  But at least try to make that done in a planned way, not out of laziness.  For instance, it’s a lot better for your mental health to think “keeping X practice is not helping me, so I think that next month, I’ll replace that with something else”, than it is to think “I haven’t done X for several months, so I think I’ll just stop doing it”.  Revisiting the Practices Hub, or even making it a standard part of a certain Sabbat (say, Imbolc) to revisit and review your overall practices, is helpful in keeping it vibrant and growing.  One motto from the corporate world that I think is often actually true (unlike a lot from the corporate world) is that if it’s not growing and changing, then it’s dying.

Lastly, don’t forget that because we are all human, our best efforts can fail.  There may very well be times in your life when most of your spiritual practice, motivation, and energy falls away for a bit.  After that, know that it’s OK, and that this is part of being human.  Feel the power and permission to stand up, build it again, and continue to grow.  That often benefits from the help of someone else as well, but is also often done alone.

Next up – Help from many people who wrote the books in Godless Mom’s booklist!